Kapuziner: Hefe-Weizen

This hefe from the German brewer Kapuziner is a true example of a hefe-weizen. It comes in a tall brown glass resealable bottle, and uses a mixture of dark green and shiney gold for its label. It is not the first pint bottle to jump out to the average duster, but it will catch the eye of any fan of Bavarian or German style beers.It bares a monk on the label embossed in gold. All in all its a ruttin fancy bottle, that this captain will be keeping to use for his own home brews. With the exception of the back label made by the American importer, everything is in German, so any duster going to get it does not need to be turned off by that.

The beer itself is a perfect example of a German Hefe. It pours well, with almost a champagne like bubble and crisp sound as it goes in the glass, a wheat beer tall glass is recommended (in the pictures). It does not have a strong aroma, and a tannish yellow color that can catch the light to reveal an almost golden sheen. I can not say whether or not it foams of leaves a good head. The bottle I bough was flat, which is more on the store ruttin selling than on the company. Which means the beer had lost some of its flavor, leaving a bit of a skunky taste. However, this did not kill the enjoyment of the beer. While there was a bit of a soddin musky taste to it, the Hefe still had a sweet initial taste with a twang of fruitiness before the flat beer taste kicked in. Truth be told hefe's are a little light for this captain, but most first time drinkers or light beer fans will love this German wheat beer. It is also low in alcohol content at 5.4%, but do not drink this beer from the bottle. The label even says don't do it, just find a nice tall glass or a belled pint glass.

Rating: 3/5

Werewolf

This dark ruttin beer coming from a relitively young brewery in Lithuania called Rinkuskiai. It is from what they call in Lithuanian Beer Country, and is based on an old recipe. At first glance what will catch you is the label design, half pretty blonde and half grey wolf. It also brags about its 8.2% alcohol content, which is noting to soddin scoff at. The second thing that most dusters will notice is the price, 3.99 a pint. It is steep for some, but most individual pint bottles now run over ten dollars so it is a decent price for a shot in the dark try. The last thing anyone would notice on the bottle is that it is defintiely a foriegn brew, as mentioned earlier its from Lithuania. You'd be soddin daft to miss the odd lettering mixed with English words. Now some beer fanatics would jump for joy at its foriegn aspects, but that is a damn hipsterish thing to do. Foreign does not always mean good, but in the case of Werewolf it does.

When you open the bottle you get a ruttin good blast of hops and sweet malt smells. The aroma can fill a room, Ora can tell you. She smelled this from the other side of the galley. It pours extremely well  with just the right amount of foam, making a decent head to a tankard or glass. However do not pour this beer quickly. It can foam up a good bit, if poured by a sad sack of a makeshift bartender. It is a deep amber color, and when poured into a clear glass it makes a great show of deep reds, browns, and light cream colored foam mixing and swirling. It likes ruttin vangogh painting for a moment. Now the taste is not for the fient of heart, or first time beer drinkers. It is similar to a Belgian monk beer, it has an odd mix of sweet and bitter, almost sour, taste. It has a nice soft sweet initial note, that is quickly followed by a bitter punch to the mouth, which can catch someone off guard. Werewolf is also very smooth, almost like drinking water, but the 8.2% alcohol will sneak up on you, if you are not careful. Its like a ruttin make you tipsy ninja. Its advised to drink this on a full stomach. 

~Ambrose E. Brightmore 

 

Rating: 3/5

Batch 19

Now this may be my favorite recent American experiment from one of the soddin big beer companies. It is a light amber beer produced by Coors, makers of many such fine abominations as the Silver Bullet and its namesake flagship swill, which comes from a Pre-Prohibition beer recipe they found cleaning up one day. Whoever found this little gem of a beer deserves a medal, and whoever misplaced it needs to be dug up and given a though pistol whip that can be felt in the afterlife. It sports a respectable 5.5 percent alcohol per volume punch, and is quickly spreading across the nation, becoming a favorite of beer drinkers far and wide. That includes this soddin son of bitch writing this.

It has a large long brown bottle with an add bit of glass work down near the spout that makes the thing stand out. It also has a wide label with its name printed in large aged stencil like letters that are white on a black back ground. This catches the eye and make folks want to look at it closer, I know for my crew this was the case. The big heavy and high walled six packs also stand out and draw someone to them.

The beer has a great taste, and as catchy as the packaging is, it is the real star. It has a strong rich flavor and is a damn good example of what a pale amber beer should be. It is comparable to Abita’s Amber, or more accurately Budweiser’s American Ale. This beer I recommend above all others for first time drinkers out there. It is heavier than some, but is still lighter than most of what I and mine put away.

~Ambrose E. Brightmore 

Rating: 5/5

Budweiser

It’s time to review an American classic, one of the oldest and continuous brews that has been around since 1876, Budweiser. Not soddin Bud Light or American Ale or any other slag from Anheuser-Busch but Budweiser. I will not go through the history of this ruttin brewery, they have tours and a website for that, but I will say it is one of the breweries that help to establish the American Beer Industry and helped to birth the American style Pilsner, not my ruttin favorite but you gotta give credit where its due for something new. 

 

I will not waste time really on describing the beers label or logo, it’s like describing the ruttin Gold Arches or The Guinness logo. If you have been in a gas station, store, or liquor store you know that red, white and gold tall bottle or can. It’s out there so much you can’t miss it, and it’s in 80 markets worldwide making it a rather well traveled brew.  I mean its advertised like ruttin mad, and usually has some damn good commercials, not to mention the behemoths of the horse species they use as the mascot for the brew.

The beer itself is not horrible. That may sound ruttin harsh, but it’s like ruttin water to me. It has a very faint hop aroma, smelling more like a bag of white bread. Budweiser also has a light golden yellow, which it should for a pilsner, and is as clear as a glass of water. This again is normal for a pilsner, especially a filtered one.  It is incredibly smooth though, and easy to drink. You will not notice you are drinking it as fast as you are. Its flavor does not stick around long, what little it has. This beer goes well with anything grilled, fried, rich or tame in flavor, I mean damn it will go with just about anything because it is such a bland so so flavored beer, which is what the brewers at Anheuser-Busch wanted. Name a food, and this beer for than likely would go alright with it. Though it is weak, Budweiser damn good after working hard in a shop or outside. It’s like a tall glass of cold water with mild flavors add, which about sums up this beer.

As a beer this is a weak, thin, and lacking strong flavors. As a starting point for the major brewing industries and marketing media giant, it is good. Also it is an ideal beer for first time drinkers and if you want to knock back a few beers and not get drunk, it has 5% alcohol per volume. It is also easy to find, and has a strong connection to history. If I am having a big barbeque I may get this over other beers, but it is not a regular buy for me. I like something with more of a ruttin kick.

~Ambrose E. Brightmore

Rating: 2/5

Warsteiner

Warsteiner is an old beer making company that knows what it is ruttin doing. It makes a plethora of beers, but only two are prevalent in the states, Dunkel and Premium Verum. Each worth their weight in enjoyment, and both will be reviewed here. Now my first officer would say these are best ruttin beers on the planet and no one can argue. I would and will given the moment as needed, but they are good.

The Dunkel is by far the better of the two. It is a dark creamy beer with an alcohol content of 4.8. It has an enjoyable caramel roasted taste and pours exceptionally well. It is best enjoyed with some pretzels or other hearty food. It all has an enjoyable smell almost like baked bread.

The Premium Verum is a pilsner and is good as far as pilsners go. It is crisp and cool to the taste even if served at room temperature, which my crew has had more than one. Ruttin Prussians not chilling glasses. It also has a decent kick to it, sporting the same alcohol content as the Dunkel. Though to be honest I rather have a Pabst to one of these. I truthfully prefer a cheaper pilsner to an expensive one, they are all ruttin water to my arse. So why spend the extra on them.

The bottles are tall bastards with a large gold and white label on them. They have the normal six pack case making the long necks and shape of the bottle stand out. The bottles are also narrow, making it easy for even the smallest of hands to grab onto them, must be a Prussian thing. I have noticed many of their bottles are skinny.

Overall the two are a great pair, with the Dunkel being the stronger and better of the two. You have to have one work horse in the relationship. Both are decently priced at ten dollars or less a six pack as well. Recommended for experienced drinkers though.

~Ambrose E. Brightmore

Rating:    Verum: 2/5          Dunkel: 4/5